Saturday, June 5, 2010

No, Really, Please Cover That Up...

I'm not joking, I really don't want to see what color G-string you're wearing.

Going through my closet full of clothes I don't really wear anymore is an interesting experience. I go to a hippie work college, where nearly everyone wears practical clothes, and the only brands that are really acknowledged are Dickies and Carhartt. Flannel is a must for cold mountain winters, and high heels aren't practical when the entire campus is on a slant, due to being built into the side of a mountain.

As you may imagine, a life separated from fashion allows one to gain a different view about the fashion of "the real world."

I returned home from college recently (barely fitting all of my things into a tiny hybrid) and came to the conclusion that I have too much stuff. I own a lot of nice things, but what I really have a lot of is STUFF. Unnecessary dust-catchers and barely-sentimental things that I would certainly never take to my first apartment, let alone show to a roommate.

A yard sale presented itself as a grand opportunity to get rid of my STUFF, and I made a good deal of money getting rid of it. While enjoying my now slightly less messy room, I felt it necessary to go through my clothes as well. I owned a lot of things I would never take to my college with me - either because they were too dressy for a farm school or I just wouldn't be caught dead in them.

As any teenager knows, once you get rid of clothes you have an empty void in your closet just begging to be filled.

"Dad? Can we go shopping tomorrow? I need pants." Because I've thrown out the ones from high school that were falling off of my hips.

I have never had a particularly wonderful relationship with department stores and clothes shopping. According to fashion I have an abnormal shape - healthy. I'm not overweight or underweight, so nothing fits me correctly.

Any attempt to find jeans that covered by butt in a dignified manner seemed nearly impossible. It looked as thought I would have to go for "granny" jeans, or deal with never sitting down or bending over ever again. Why on earth do high school kids think it's cool to dress in extremely revealing clothing? It's humiliating and embarrassing and degrading. I won't wear it. Nope.

My father and I wandered the mall until we came to a slightly more promising (and friendly) department store. There I managed to find pants that actually covered my buttocks and kept me looking respectable. Sold.

While enjoying my new purchases, I wonder over fashion sense (or nonsense). If high school students are convinced into buying rather revealing clothing by advertising that shows college students wearing said chilly clothing... why aren't college students wearing it?

For College X, there is an extremely simple answer: It's not practical.

Not only is it not practical, you look like an idiot. If Sally Susan What's-her-face walked into a law firm wearing low-rise skinny jeans, high heels, and a Twilight and/or Justin Bieber fan shirt no one would hire her. While being hip is great for popularity in the drama-ridden world of high school, there comes a time when every young adult gets their first reality check (with taxes withheld) and realizes it's time to grow up.

Showing off your neon pink underthings may be a great way to get a skeevy date, but it's no way to get a job or earn respect in the real world. my mother never allowed me to dress in a way that belittled me or represented me only as an object, even when my only desire was to dress this way just to fit in. I am eternally grateful.

So please, once you go off to college, it's time to trade in the "hip" look for a wardrobe that actually covers what clothing is meant to cover.